Finding a niche
Wake up, do your job, get yelled at, get beat up, this is not the life of a jail inmate, this is the life of an offensive lineman and for my whole career as a football player, this is what I have had to endure.The sound of a coach screaming in your ear that you are lazy and not good is not something you want to, or need to hear at 7:30 in the morning. This is why for my whole life I have always felt that I did not belong in this position. I feel like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that is trying to be fit into the wrong spot.This feeling is not just felt on the field but in my life as well. I have always been perceived as a guy who doesn't really care what people think and is kind of a pushover. What I really feel inside though is built up rage that I can't express what I really am. I do care what people think, and I am not a pushover. This anger is also shared on the field because for my whole life I have wanted to be a linebacker.When I showed up to football in fourth grade I was expecting to be able to pick my position and be able to play. I was gravely mistaken though because on arriving I was put on a scale and was found to be over 90 lbs so I could play nothing but the line. I was sad at the time but just thought to myself, "Next Year".I waited.Meanwhile, I was still playing other sports including basketball and baseball. I was torn because my dad's first love has always been baseball, and my mom played basketball in college. Neither one of them played football so they couldn't help me out on this one. I decided not to make any decisions until later on, when I got to high school.And waited.Five years later I was coming into high school and I asked the coach if there was any way of making a switch to linebacker but once again I was deterred because, "My size was too much of an asset to play off the ball."So I waited again.
"The O-line needs you." Hadn't I heard that before.
I was too big to play linebacker. So it seemed that for my whole career as a football player the closest I was going to come to touching the football was playing center.
But there was still hope.
I discovered that because I am not starting on the O-line, I can play scout team linebacker and I enjoy it thoroughly. I get to blitz on almost every play and I can hit the starters at any time. It is like a dream come true.
At the same time though, it was somewhat of a letdown. I thought that when I played linebacker it would be the greatest thing I have ever done. While it is great and all, I still enjoy playing offensive line. After so many years, it seems that I have come to enjoy playing the line. Blocking isn't as bad as it is made out to be. I really enjoy being the one that makes it possible for the touchdowns to happen.
Maybe doing all the work for no credit is not such a bad thing. This isn't just a football lesson either, this also applies my life.
I have discovered that people don't think I am as pushover, and maybe where I am at right now is just the right spot for me. My personality is perfect for me and this is something that I do not care what other people think. I have support for who I am from friends and family.
My parents don't care what sport I play. I was delusional to think that they did. Even when I stopped playing baseball because I tore my rotator cuff, or when I stopped playing basketball because I was too small, they were with me. Even though those were their two favorite sports, and they would have loved to see me compete in those sports, they were still supportive through and through.
My niche in this society is not set in stone and neither is my personality. It is ever changing and next year when I go to a completely new environment, maybe my niche will change again.
Maybe.